I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
