Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
