he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
