That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
this hospital has no fireball
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
