What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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