I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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