just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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