Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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