I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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