I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
