I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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