yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
