We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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