Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
