Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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