Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
