This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
