You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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