Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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