my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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