Banned from zoo.
Again?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize