no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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