i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize