i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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