Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
