I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
