Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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