the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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