I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
