Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
