I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
