Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
