The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
