HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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