He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
being pregnant is like rehab
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
