He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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