I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
