in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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