Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
