My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
