I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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