Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
