I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
