Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
