Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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