Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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