Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
