I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
