so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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