i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Barsexuality is the new black.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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