wrigley field is MILF paradise
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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