I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
