At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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