so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
