So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
