YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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