And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I deserve this hangover.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
