a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
