In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
