I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
