If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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