Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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