elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
