its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
