it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
