i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
