If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
