I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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