I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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