Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You took a bar mat shot.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
