No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
