We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
