i don't like sucking hair
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
