we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize