Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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