Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
